Super Nepali Jokes

बिहान बिहानै रेडियो बजाउदै
आइते बिहान बिहानै रेडियो बजाउदै
जंगल तिर तोइलेट गर्न भनेर हिलेछ
जब टोइलेट गरेर फर्कदै थियो धुर्मुसे ले
सोधेछ – ओहो आइते म त मछु कि क्या
हो, बिहान बिहानै रेडयो बोकेर
हिनिस हँ आइते ..
आइते – टोइलेट गाको नि ..
धुर्मुसे – तेसो भए कस्तो भयो त
टोइलेट गराई
आइते – रिसाउदै घण्टा जस्तो —
धुर्मुसे – केरे ??
आइते- टोइलेट गर्नै लाको बेला
अचानक रेडयो मा सयौ थुंगा फूलका
हामी
एउतै माला नेपाली भन्ने गित बज्यो
मुला उठी उठी हग्नु पर्यो
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hahaha

Latast Funny sms

1 Bhikhari 1 Plate me Diya jlakaar Bhikh maang raha tha
Pappu - Oye ye aaj Diwali kyo mana raha hai? Koi Khajana haath lag gaya kaya?
Bhikhari- Diya diya diya; nahi diya nahi diya

Pappu- Sarkaar aaj Cashless transaction economy ki baat kar rahi hai
Happu- Are hum to School time se hi Cashless transaction kar rahe
par Ullu dukaandaar baar baar kahta hai abb udhaari nahi denge bhaiya
kal to mene kah diya, abb Sarkaar bhi hume support kaar rahe hai
tumko Udhaari dena hogi......Cashless transaction economy jokes 2017

selfies lete samay munh chonch jaisa nahin ho raha hai to note bolakar try keejiye.

Bank Cashier: NOTE badalavaane aaye ho kaya?
Ladka: haan ye lo Samsung Note, iPhone 7 de do.

Cashier: koi baahar nikaalo is ULLU ko.

jo Log achchhe vaqt mein "Bada Bhaav" khaate hain,
vahee log phir bure vaqt mein "Vada Paav" khaate hain

Breaking News By Aaj Tak
Delhi mein itana kohara hai ki chor ne mahila samajh ke kutte ki chen kheench li.
kutta svasth hai, chor aspataal mein bharti hai

Comedy Dialogues

1.

Maine diya baalon ka balidaan aur you're acting like Irrfan Khan ... thoda toh overacting banta hai na

2. 

Mauka hai, dastoor hai ... zakhaas raja, zakhaas rani aur raazi ... kyun na laga de Bollywood ki baazi

3. 

Tirchi nigaahon se na dekh aashiq-e-dilgir ko ... kaise teerandaz ho tum, zara seedha toh karlo teer ko

4. 

Agar mujhe malum hota ki mujhe dekhkar tumhare chehre pe hazaar watt ki muskaan phail jati ... toh main kab ka aa chuka hota

5. 

Mussal dekha mussal ... masal ke rakh doonga

6. 

Oh ji jhappiyan tak te theek hai ... par pappiyan bhi marte rhende hai mainu

7. 

Tu Munna Bhai hoga lekin main Circuit nahi hoon ... tu Batman hoga lekin main Birdman nahi hoon ... tu hero hoga lekin ab main bhi hero hoon

8. 

Tum kya apne aap ko Mughal-e-Azam, hum log ko Anarkali samajhta hai be ... kitna nacha raha hai?

9. 

Tu ladki ke peeche bhagega, ladki paise ke peeche bhagegi ... tu paise ke peeche bhagega, ladki tere peeche bhagegi

10. 

Ab pyar na hua tumhara, UPSC ka exam ho gaya hai ... dus saal se clear hi nahi ho raha hai

Top funnydialogues in Hindi movies

1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon! (I will be the mother of your children)
2. Puliss meray peechay lagi hui hai. (Can I use your bathroom)
3. Tum may-re liye mar chuke ho. (You have died for me)
4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai. (Tell where the diamonds are)
5. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan. (This is unfair, O God)
6. Main tera khoon pee jaaonga! (I will drink your blood)
7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi. (Without you, death shall be the only thing to come to     me)
8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye? (From where did you get so much money?)

9. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga / bhuloongi (I will never forget your favours)
10. Kuttay, Kameenay mai tujhe jaan se maar doonga (Dog, Poor charactered person, I will kill you from your life)

11.Apne Aaadmiyon se kaho ki bandookein phhek de (Tell your men to throw guns)
12.Teri yeh majaal' / Yaad kar woh din..(Such your audacity/ remember that day)
13.Mai gareeb hoon na, isliye ?(Because I am poor)
14.Dunyaki koi takat hame juda nahi kar sakti.(No strength of the world can pull us apart now)
15.Mujhe tumhaare is behte hue khoon ki kasam ....(I swear by this flowing blood of yours)
16.Jaaneman, zara thobdey ka ghunghat to hataao (O lover, move your face cloth veil a little)
17.Mere hotey huay tumhara koi baal bhi baaka nahin kar sakta (While I am, nobody will fold your hair)
18.Yeh meri maa keh Kangan hai (This is my my mother's ornament)
19.Maa, mujhe Ashirwad de.../ Maa, tum kitni achchi ho (seldom followed by incest) (Mother, give me blessing.../O mother, how nice you are)
20.Khabardaar joe Usse haat bhee lagaya (I warn that you touch him too then...)
21.Tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to ...(If you have drunk your mother's milk...)
22.Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu.... (followed by the jug jug jiyo beta) (Mother I have passed first class first)
23.Maa ! Sab kehte hai ke tum ek vaishya ho !(Mother ! everyone says you are a woman of low character)
24.Maa, main ab dekh sakta hoon(Mother, I can now see)
25.Gandi naali ke keede..../ Chunn Chunn ke maaroonga...(Dirty gutter's insect.../I will choose choose and kill)
26.Arre, tum to mere bicchade huay bhai ho (O you are my lost brother)
27.Tumhari yeh haal kissne ki hai (Who has made this condition of you?

28.Ab tumari maa hamare kabze main hai (Now your mother is our captivity)
29.Yeh sauda thumhe bahut mehenga padega.....(You will find this deal very expensive)
30.In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai (What is the need for these fair wrists to work)
31.Bataao kya keemat hai tumhari ? (Tell, what is your price)
32.Tumhari Seema kisi aur ke saat gulcharrey uda rahi hai. (Your Seema is flying illegal fun with someone else)
33.Yahan teri izzat bachane koi nahi ayega (Nobody will come here to save your honour)
34.Gaddari ki ek hi sazaa hoti hai, maut (immediately followed by the death of an extra) (Treachery has only one punishment, death)
35.Uski koi kamzori hogi, koi maa ya behan ? (He must have some weakness, some mother, some sister)
36.Jashan ki tayyari karo, uski maa ko jara ghungroo pehanao (Make preparations for a gala event, make his mother wear dancing bells)
37.Pehle hum tumhari purse lootengay phir tumhari izzat lootengay (First we will loot your purse, then we will loot your honour)
38.I am berry eppy tudday (I am very happy today, Dharmendra special)
39.Chaccha, bees saal sey jo aag mere dil be bhadak rahi hai, who aaj iska khoon peekar bujhegi (Uncle, the fire that has been crackling within my heart for twenty years will be extinguished today after I drink his blood, Dharmendra)
40.Aur teesray badshah hum hain (After the hero draws two kings in a game of three card flash) (And the third king is us, Shatrughan Sinha special)
41.Maa (Mother, Rajendra Kumar special)
42.Hum duniya se nahin hai, duniya humse hain (I am not from the world, the world is from me, Raaj Kumar special)
43.Hey bhagwan, mere suhaag ki raksha karna (O God, protect the parting of my head)
44.Jug jug jiyo beti/beta (Live for centuries son/daughter)
45.Aaj Karwa choud hai(Today is bitter fourteen)
46.Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta...(Once refer to me as mother, son)
47.Too paida hotey hi mar kyo nahin gayee (usually preceded by a declaration of loss of virginity) (Why did you not die when you were born?)
48.Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya..(I have raised you by raising you and raising you)
49.Mar, Mar isse betay, isse ne tere Devata jaise pita ka khoon kiya (Hit him son, he has killed your father like a God)
50.Yeh din dekhney ke pehle main mar kyon nahin gaya (Why didn't I die before seeing this day)
51.Main to tumhare baarey main aisa soch bhi nahin sakti this (I could not even think such of you)
52.Koi Dekh Lega / Hato naa, log kiya kahengay / Huttye jee! Aap bade woh hain....(Someone will see / Move no people say what / Move, O master, You are very that)
53.Main abhi kunwari hoon(I am still a guardian of my own virtue by way of my unmarried virginity)
54.Maa, isne meri izzat bachaiee hai(Mother, he has saved my honour)
55.Tumhare khyal kitne neech hain (Your thoughts are so low)
56.Tumhare khyal kitne oonchay hain(Your thoughts are so high)
57.Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!(What I thought you were and what you came out to be)
58.Bapu! (Mahatma Gandhi)
59.Mujhe kuch kuch ho raha hain (innuendo / orgasm line) (Something Something is happening to me)
60.Main aapke liye baadam doodh le aati hoon (Suhaag Raat) (I have brought you almond milk - prelude to fellatio)
61.Kanoon ke haath bohot lumbay hote hain....(Law's hands are very elongated)
62.Kanoon Ko apney haath mein mat lo (Don't take the law in your own hands)
63.Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai (Law does not see feeling it sees proof)
64.Kanoon ko saboot chahiye (Law wants proof)
65.Aur ye bechari begunnah hai. That's all, your honor (And this unfortunate is not-guilty. That's all your honour)
66.Tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai. (By the Indian penal Code section 302 the defendant is given the death sentence)
67Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai (The defendent is acquitted with all her honor)
68.Yeh Sadasad na-insafi hai..(This is completely unfair)
69.Lekin Milord... (reply... chupbe Gandu) (But Milord....reply shut up thou begotten of the anus)
70.Kanoon, Kaunsa kanoon...wohi kanoon jisne mere bequsoor baap ko phasi pe chadha diya ? (Law, which law? the law that mounted my father on the hangman)
71.Kanoon par se mera vishvaas uth chuka hain (My trust has mounted off the law)

Chhattu

Super Nepali Jokes

24. Rocket & Plane

Plane says: ” yaar Rocket timi yati chhito kasari udan sakchhau?                                                                        

Rocket: “yo ta usalailai nai thaha hunchha jasko chakhma aago lageko hos….

23. Boy: wah kya sandle chha timro.

Girl: kholu kya.

Boy: tyo bhanda ramro timro t-shirt chha.

22. Girls Hostel warden call Electric office & Complains: “aaj ta keta pathai dinus ketiharu re 3 din dekhi Mombatti le kaam chalai rahechha.” 

21. Year 1986 ko girl; Mom jeans paint lagau?

 Mom: hunna chhori manchhele k bhanchha

.

2008 ko girl: Mom mini skirt kagau?

 Mom; laga chhori laga kehi ta laga.

20. Hamaro Dosti koi rugha khoki hoina jo aayera 2/4 din mai jaosh, yo to HIV Aids jastai ho jo ek patak bhaye pachi jiwan bhar sath chhoddaina…

19. 1 ketile aafno weight napi raheko thiyo – 58 kg,

sandal kholyo -56kg,

jacket kholyo -53kg,

sal  kholyo -52kg,

keti “sikka sidiyo…..

Chheuko bhikhari – “timi nap lidai jau sikka ma dinchhu.”

18. A lady to another lady: Jab tero divorce bhayeko thiyo taba euta matra bachha thiyo Tara ahile 3 wata, kasari?

She says: waha kahile kahi mafi magna aaunu hunchha……

17. Chhora  – Buba keta harule kina bihe garchhan ?

Buba – Kinaki mare pachhi narka Pani Swag jasto lagosh bhaner.

16. Pahila hathle ramro sanga pakad

Mukhle bistarai chush,

Thuk lagau,

Bistarai vitra chhirau

Ek dui patak garo hunchha

Ek dui patak kosis gare pachhi chhirchha,

….Kati garo hunchha siyo ma dhago chhiraun…

15. Ek patak elephantko nude boy sanga manchheko bhet bhayo. Elephant le manchhelai kehi chhin herer bhanyo” Timi yati sano kij bat kasari sash ferchhau “.

14. Fool bhanda sundar kehi chhain,

Sagarmatha bhanda aglo kehi chhain,

Sagar bhanda gahiro kehi chhain,

Ab timro k taarif garu …..Sathima timi jasto nalayak kohi chhaina…….

13. Bihe pachhi sriman srimati sikka KO dui pato hunchhan,

Jo ek arka lai herna chahadain Tara pani jiwan bhar sangai baschhan

12. Boy: jau kunai sunsaan thauma

Girl: timi je payo tyahi ta gardai nau Ni?

Boy: promise gardina!

Girl: hoss, tyaso bhaye kina Jane  

11. Gadima husband aafno wifelai:

timi sanga bihe garera pachhatai rahechhu lagchha talai KUKUR ko agaadi chhodi diu

 chheuko  passenger :woo wao wao wao!!!    

10. Pahila KISS gara,

pheri khatama sutaau,

ani kattu khola,

ani MUNI  haath lagau,

.

.

.

.

ra check gara k

BABY le SU SU ta gareko chhaina .    

9. Ek palta garana plz...

Kasailai bhandina ma plz...

plz gara Na gara……..

Malai mazza aauchha …

ek palta hamro mitrataa ko lagi bhaye pani

gara na plzz…

euta lovely SMS!!!    

8. two men went 2 a callgirl.

1st went in and came out n said

“hoina my wife is better.”

2nd went in and came out n said

“U R right ur wife is much better.”   

7. Pahila usale kholyo sari

feri kholyo petikot

blouse ta pahie nai kholi sakeko thiyo

duty mind zyada excited na hau

uale sukeko kapada uthai raheko thiyo ….!       

6. Ek bachchaa janmane bitikai nurselai bhayo mobile 6?

..Nurse: kina mobile?

..Bacha: kehi hoina GODlai miscall garnu thiyo ramrai sanga aai puge bhanera.

5. A beggar- ‘Oh sundari! Andha chhu 5 rupiya dinusa

“Husband said 2 his wife- deu deu, timilai sundari bhanyo bhane har halma andha ho.

  

4. Marriage is

Like

going to a

Resturant..

U order

Your choice

from

the menu,

and then

look at the

neighbouring table and wish

“KAASH…

yo order gareko bhaye hunthiyo” 

3. Wife: If I die what will u do?

Husband: ma pagal bhai halchhu!

Wife: Will u marry again after I die?

Husband: pagal je Pani Garna sakchha

In both case you feel “ajhai kehi parkheko bhayo ajha ramro model pauthe”2.What’s the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE - 

.

1. Wifelai Thappar hirkaye pabchhi risayer husbandlai bhanyo”manchhele usailai hirkauchha jasalai usale maya garchha.”

Wifele husbandlai 2 jhapad hirkayera bhanyo “tapai k samjhinu hunchha ke ma tapailai maya gardina.

Funny Nepali Joke Collection, Make Facebook Status

Super Nepali Jokes 

Rambahadur Dashain ko lagi khasi kinna gayecha!!!

Rambahadur: Sahuji tyo ghorle khasi ko kati paisa ho?

Sahuji: Jamma 500 rupaiya.

Rambahadur: Ammama kati sasto ta. Kina ni testo!!!!
Sahuji: China ko khasi ho. Gurantee hudaina,
ghar pugne bela samma bhukna pani sakcha!!!!!

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A one line advertisement by a Married Man in a newspaper:
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For Sale: Wedding suit,
worn only once by mistake..  

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Rajnikant’s Fb Status –

“Those Who Will Not Like This Status
Will Not Be Able To Use Facebook Anymore”

Notification – Mark Zuckerberg And Million Others Like This.

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THE ULTIMATE COMBO PACK:

Santa Banta, CID Team &
Rajesh dai were passing through
a desert Suddenly, out of nowhere,They
see a huge sandstorm coming… … Santa : oye banta tufaan !

Banta : santa appun toh
marenge ab!

Acp Pradyuman : Daya jara Pata
lagao ye humare raste mein
rukawat aayi toh aayi kahan
se ?

Daya : Sir , na toh yahan
darwaja hai jise todke hum
bhag sake na tufaan ko
mein thappad mar sakta hoon…

Rajesh dai :Sorry for sneezing…

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Woman on date with husband’s best friend;

*phone ring*

Woman: Yes? Ok , fine , bye!

Turns to her Lover and laughs: My husband says he is playing golf with U! 

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Law Of Conservation Of Knowledge:
No matter how long the lecture may be,
The Knowledge before and after the lecture
Remains the Same. 

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Boy to girl Before Exam:
Hey All The Best,
Girl Also Told The Same.
But Girl Scored 80 Marks And Boy Failed.
.
… .
.
Moral: Only Boys Wish With True Heart.

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A short walk is so Difficult when no one walks with u.
But a long Journey is just like a few steps when
. .

.
.
.
.
..
a street dog is runnin behind u..

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Don’t drink water while studying

Becoz

As Chemistry says

CONCENTRATION decreases when u add WATER. ..

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Ek ladka apni girlfrnd ka cell chori se dekhta he ki usne mera number kis name se save kiya he….. JAAN……JAANU…ya…SWEETU.

usne apne cell se call kiya to dekha girlfrnd ke cell pe
likha aa raha tha ” MURGA NO.-5 ” calling…………………

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Son: “Daddy, why did you put your thumb print on my progress report instead of your signature?”
Father: “I don’t want your teacher to think that anyone with your marks could possibly have a father who can read or write.”
-la raaj raana sir maile student lai billa hanne stat lekhdiye hai aba chai narisaunu hai sir ji..

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teacher: why do u alwz fail in exams?
Student: Before answering your question,let me ask you simple question sir!
teacher: of course!
student: Why do u alwz fail to educate us?.

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sardar sent sms to his boss: “me sick,no work” boss sms back: “when i am sick i kiss my wife try it”. 2 hours later sardar sms to boss: “me ok, ur wife very sweet”

——————————————————————————————-

2jana gaule kt le raksi khane b4 gare6n tara gauma khada arule dekhne darle jungle ma goye6n!
1st kt-oe yo junglema ta baagh au6!
2nd kt-k vo ta?
1st kt-ani hami raksi khana lagda baaghle khayo vane?
2nd kt-10son nalina maile arko quatar stock rakhya 6u!

—————————————————————————————–

Chemistry class….
Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Hum Jayega: BA
Professor:For sodium?
Hum Jayega: NA
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA& 2 atoms of NA combined?
…Hum Jayega: BANANA …..!!

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teacher-fiste ta kina al6i gar6s? her jun kam ma pani kada parishramko mitho fal hun6 ra parisram nagare mitho fal paidaina!
fiste-parishram gareni nagareni namitho fal pain6!
teacher-kasari?
fiste-malai hijo kabjiyat ra aja diahrrhoea vako 6 tara….

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Boy:-My gf broke up with me n sent me her pictures kissing her new bf.

Frnd:-Wat did u do?

Boy: I simply sent them 2 her dad..

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Women 1: How does your husband come on time?
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Women 2: I have made a rule, I told him.
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Romance will start sharp at 9 with you or without you. 

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2jana gaule kt le raksi khane b4 gare6n tara gauma khada arule dekhne darle jungle ma goye6n!
1st kt-oe yo junglema ta baagh au6!
2nd kt-k vo ta?
1st kt-ani hami raksi khana lagda baaghle khayo vane?
2nd kt-10son nalina maile arko quatar stock rakhya 6u!

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Nepalma treking garna ako khairele euta motte velelai groupma dekhera achamma mandai sode6
khaire-timi pani trekin garna aako?
vele-(rissaudai)k sappai indian nepalma chatpat bechna matra au6n ta?
khaire-haina ma ta thakepa6i malis gardina ako vanthaneko!

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New update:

Ek choti euta musa hathi sit dauder gaye6 ani u sit usko kattu mage6. Ani hathi le sode6: Kin chahiyo talai mero kattu ?
Musa: mero chhori ko biwah ma tent lagaun. ha.. ha.. ha..

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Euta hathi jungal bat aaudai gareko dekher euta kamila le aarko kamila lai
kamila(1) : Oye tyo hathi lai bodi hanne ?
Kamila(2) : Bhayo chhodi de bichara eklai 6. ha….ha….ha…

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.Ekadesh ma euta Budho thiyo usle ek din sapana ma aafu Bachha ma nai mare ko dekhyo.

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Ekadesh ma euta Bhoot thiyo usle sadhai kattu ma Moot thiyo.

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Miss: Yagya copy ma kin kehi pani nalekhe ko ?

Yagya: Miss, hajur le copy sapha bhay badi number payin6 bhannu bhako thiyo ni tesaile.

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Miss : Gokul timi kin school dhilo aako ?

Gokul: Mero paisa harayo miss.

Miss : Ani Yagya timi kin dhilo aako ni ?

Yagya: Usko paisa maile ta kulche ko thiye ni miss. ha ha ha……………………………..

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Teacher : Exam aaun jamma 3 din 6 , kehi question bhay sodhe hun6 ?

Gokul N Yagya : Sir euta kura sodham ?

Teacher: Sodh..

Gokul N Yagya : Question paper kum press ma 6apin6 sir ?

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Teacher : Babu Aashish la bhan ta sansar ko sabai bhanda murkh man6e ko ho ?

Aashish : Sir hajur ghar aina(mirror) 6 kinai ?

Teacher : 6 babu kin ?

Aashish : Teso bhay aina aagadi gayer ubhinu na dekhi halnu6 ni .

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Teacher : La babu Jhapendra bhan ta 2+2 kati hun6?

Jhapendra: Five hun6 sir.

Teacher : Kasari babu……..?

Jhapendra : Hisab bigrer sir……

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Teacher : Vijay Babu sansar ma koi pani man6e namare k hola ?

Vijay : Sir , Yamraj Uncle ko jagir phuskin6 ………

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Teacher : Babu Pramod third wordwar bhay k hun6 ?

Pramod : Jhur hun6 sir…

Teacher : Kin ni….?

Pramod : Hamro history subject ma aarko chapter thapin6 ni sir.

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Samundra : Sir, dherai padher k hun6?

Teacher : Dherai padhema thulo bhayin6.

Samundra : Teso bhaye Hatti pani dherai padher thulo bhako ho sir ?

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Teacher : Hamile kahile pani bholi bhaner kurna hunna, bujyeu ?

Pushparaj: Ho ra sir teso bhaye bholi ko 6utti aajai pam na ta….

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Teacher : Chori ko phal sadhai namitho hun6, tesaile kahile kehi nachornu !

Nashim : Hijo maile mero dokan bat chorer khayeko kera ta kati mitho thiyo….

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Teacher : Ramu timi kasari phel bhayau ?

Ramu : K garnu sir ma sit pareko sathi lai kehi aaudo rahen6.