Super Nepali Jokes: February 2017

1.

Maine diya baalon ka balidaan aur you're acting like Irrfan Khan ... thoda toh overacting banta hai na

Mauka hai, dastoor hai ... zakhaas raja, zakhaas rani aur raazi ... kyun na laga de Bollywood ki baazi

Tirchi nigaahon se na dekh aashiq-e-dilgir ko ... kaise teerandaz ho tum, zara seedha toh karlo teer ko

Agar mujhe malum hota ki mujhe dekhkar tumhare chehre pe hazaar watt ki muskaan phail jati ... toh main kab ka aa chuka hota

Mussal dekha mussal ... masal ke rakh doonga

Oh ji jhappiyan tak te theek hai ... par pappiyan bhi marte rhende hai mainu

Tu Munna Bhai hoga lekin main Circuit nahi hoon ... tu Batman hoga lekin main Birdman nahi hoon ... tu hero hoga lekin ab main bhi hero hoon

Tum kya apne aap ko Mughal-e-Azam, hum log ko Anarkali samajhta hai be ... kitna nacha raha hai?

Tu ladki ke peeche bhagega, ladki paise ke peeche bhagegi ... tu paise ke peeche bhagega, ladki tere peeche bhagegi

10.

Ab pyar na hua tumhara, UPSC ka exam ho gaya hai ... dus saal se clear hi nahi ho raha hai

1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon! (I will be the mother of your children)
2. Puliss meray peechay lagi hui hai. (Can I use your bathroom)
3. Tum may-re liye mar chuke ho. (You have died for me)
4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai. (Tell where the diamonds are)
5. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan. (This is unfair, O God)
6. Main tera khoon pee jaaonga! (I will drink your blood)
7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi. (Without you, death shall be the only thing to come to me)
8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye? (From where did you get so much money?)

9. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga / bhuloongi (I will never forget your favours)
10. Kuttay, Kameenay mai tujhe jaan se maar doonga (Dog, Poor charactered person, I will kill you from your life)

11.Apne Aaadmiyon se kaho ki bandookein phhek de (Tell your men to throw guns)
12.Teri yeh majaal' / Yaad kar woh din..(Such your audacity/ remember that day)
13.Mai gareeb hoon na, isliye ?(Because I am poor)
14.Dunyaki koi takat hame juda nahi kar sakti.(No strength of the world can pull us apart now)
15.Mujhe tumhaare is behte hue khoon ki kasam ....(I swear by this flowing blood of yours)
16.Jaaneman, zara thobdey ka ghunghat to hataao (O lover, move your face cloth veil a little)
17.Mere hotey huay tumhara koi baal bhi baaka nahin kar sakta (While I am, nobody will fold your hair)
18.Yeh meri maa keh Kangan hai (This is my my mother's ornament)
19.Maa, mujhe Ashirwad de.../ Maa, tum kitni achchi ho (seldom followed by incest) (Mother, give me blessing.../O mother, how nice you are)
20.Khabardaar joe Usse haat bhee lagaya (I warn that you touch him too then...)
21.Tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to ...(If you have drunk your mother's milk...)
22.Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu.... (followed by the jug jug jiyo beta) (Mother I have passed first class first)
23.Maa ! Sab kehte hai ke tum ek vaishya ho !(Mother ! everyone says you are a woman of low character)
24.Maa, main ab dekh sakta hoon(Mother, I can now see)
25.Gandi naali ke keede..../ Chunn Chunn ke maaroonga...(Dirty gutter's insect.../I will choose choose and kill)
26.Arre, tum to mere bicchade huay bhai ho (O you are my lost brother)
27.Tumhari yeh haal kissne ki hai (Who has made this condition of you?

28.Ab tumari maa hamare kabze main hai (Now your mother is our captivity)
29.Yeh sauda thumhe bahut mehenga padega.....(You will find this deal very expensive)
30.In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai (What is the need for these fair wrists to work)
31.Bataao kya keemat hai tumhari ? (Tell, what is your price)
32.Tumhari Seema kisi aur ke saat gulcharrey uda rahi hai. (Your Seema is flying illegal fun with someone else)
33.Yahan teri izzat bachane koi nahi ayega (Nobody will come here to save your honour)
34.Gaddari ki ek hi sazaa hoti hai, maut (immediately followed by the death of an extra) (Treachery has only one punishment, death)
35.Uski koi kamzori hogi, koi maa ya behan ? (He must have some weakness, some mother, some sister)
36.Jashan ki tayyari karo, uski maa ko jara ghungroo pehanao (Make preparations for a gala event, make his mother wear dancing bells)
37.Pehle hum tumhari purse lootengay phir tumhari izzat lootengay (First we will loot your purse, then we will loot your honour)
38.I am berry eppy tudday (I am very happy today, Dharmendra special)
39.Chaccha, bees saal sey jo aag mere dil be bhadak rahi hai, who aaj iska khoon peekar bujhegi (Uncle, the fire that has been crackling within my heart for twenty years will be extinguished today after I drink his blood, Dharmendra)
40.Aur teesray badshah hum hain (After the hero draws two kings in a game of three card flash) (And the third king is us, Shatrughan Sinha special)
41.Maa (Mother, Rajendra Kumar special)
42.Hum duniya se nahin hai, duniya humse hain (I am not from the world, the world is from me, Raaj Kumar special)
43.Hey bhagwan, mere suhaag ki raksha karna (O God, protect the parting of my head)
44.Jug jug jiyo beti/beta (Live for centuries son/daughter)
45.Aaj Karwa choud hai(Today is bitter fourteen)
46.Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta...(Once refer to me as mother, son)
47.Too paida hotey hi mar kyo nahin gayee (usually preceded by a declaration of loss of virginity) (Why did you not die when you were born?)
48.Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya..(I have raised you by raising you and raising you)
49.Mar, Mar isse betay, isse ne tere Devata jaise pita ka khoon kiya (Hit him son, he has killed your father like a God)
50.Yeh din dekhney ke pehle main mar kyon nahin gaya (Why didn't I die before seeing this day)
51.Main to tumhare baarey main aisa soch bhi nahin sakti this (I could not even think such of you)
52.Koi Dekh Lega / Hato naa, log kiya kahengay / Huttye jee! Aap bade woh hain....(Someone will see / Move no people say what / Move, O master, You are very that)
53.Main abhi kunwari hoon(I am still a guardian of my own virtue by way of my unmarried virginity)
54.Maa, isne meri izzat bachaiee hai(Mother, he has saved my honour)
55.Tumhare khyal kitne neech hain (Your thoughts are so low)
56.Tumhare khyal kitne oonchay hain(Your thoughts are so high)
57.Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!(What I thought you were and what you came out to be)
58.Bapu! (Mahatma Gandhi)
59.Mujhe kuch kuch ho raha hain (innuendo / orgasm line) (Something Something is happening to me)
60.Main aapke liye baadam doodh le aati hoon (Suhaag Raat) (I have brought you almond milk - prelude to fellatio)
61.Kanoon ke haath bohot lumbay hote hain....(Law's hands are very elongated)
62.Kanoon Ko apney haath mein mat lo (Don't take the law in your own hands)
63.Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai (Law does not see feeling it sees proof)
64.Kanoon ko saboot chahiye (Law wants proof)
65.Aur ye bechari begunnah hai. That's all, your honor (And this unfortunate is not-guilty. That's all your honour)
66.Tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai. (By the Indian penal Code section 302 the defendant is given the death sentence)
67Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai (The defendent is acquitted with all her honor)
68.Yeh Sadasad na-insafi hai..(This is completely unfair)
69.Lekin Milord... (reply... chupbe Gandu) (But Milord....reply shut up thou begotten of the anus)
70.Kanoon, Kaunsa kanoon...wohi kanoon jisne mere bequsoor baap ko phasi pe chadha diya ? (Law, which law? the law that mounted my father on the hangman)
71.Kanoon par se mera vishvaas uth chuka hain (My trust has mounted off the law)

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